Vivid Ruminations

Lost Part II

2012-02-05T02:15:00.002+05:30

Here's a version 2 of the post I wrote just a few days ago. Seems like something is crazily getting over my head and I just can't part with it. I wish to run, run away from everything, run away where there is nothing, seeking a place with wilderness, a place where the me and the I can be lost - lost forever.

I don't know if the place exists and don't know the path, but at this very moment, I just feel like getting into the car and driving off - driving off to the emptiness - driving off to a place where there are no stop signs to pause - a place where the end takes you away from yourself...

Maybe I'm missing the beach, the place where I hear no one and no one hears me. The place where sobs could be cured by the tranquilizing waters. A place which I've sometimes considered my friend, where I don't feel being lonely even when I'm alone.

I feel like going out with myself, going out to the woods - away from this world - the crafty and the cunning world. I wish to be lost, lost in the space - away from the carnal self.

It seems like I'm sobbing, sobbing endlessly from within. I'm trying hard, but I just can't figure out the reason for it. I think I'm in the pursuit of something, but the object for this quest is unknown. It appears like a search for a lost object or maybe the object that was never there.

This loss is in the head - this loss is of the self - this loss is of the gratitude - this loss is of the emotions - this loss is of the warmth - this loss if of all the good things there are. What is left after this is just me and myself - the carnal self - lost in the wilderness, with no where to go and nothing to do.

Lost

2012-01-27T03:55:00.000+05:30

I am lost. Yes, that’s right – LOST…. I’ve forgotten who I am, what I am and where I am. There is no loss in this world which can be greater than loosing your own self. I've lost the purpose, I've lost what was there within me and I've lost myself. I feel like I'm a wanderer, roaming aimlessly without a purpose.

There are a multitude of feelings which are hard to express in words. Feels like the passage of life is hitting me.... hitting me hard. I am living in a world full of randomness, where certainty is undefined and I am a directionless lone atom wandering aimlessly in this large molecule.

The spirit and its spirituality is lost. Frigidness is looming all over. This invincible battle seems purposeless, the rationality is completely irrational and the excogitation causes confusion.

Lost are the people who meant something, lost is the affection and the care. The thoughts and the feelings which were once shared are now lost in this huge wilderness.

The soul is trying to seek a lost place. The search is covert, the path is unknown and the meandering seems eternal... But it still has hope. It's perseverance is the faith moving it all along...

Changing Times

2011-04-06T10:01:00.000+05:30

So, it has now been a year since I last wrote on this blog. A lot has changed for me during this year. There was a time when things were going smooth for me and everything was working out nicely, I had started having some good time again. But then as we say it’s always calm before a storm – I suffered from a huge personal loss. It seemed like the whole world has come down for me. Something like this was completely unexpected. It happened about 3 months ago and I’m still unable to get in terms with it. It’s really hard to describe how it feels like.

This one event has tremendously changed the equation for my life. In a matter of seconds, life which was going in a certain direction throws you back without any warning or intimidation. A lot of responsibility has suddenly come onto me and to be honest I am really very scared of messing things up. This trepidation is kind of killing me – uncertainty has never apprehended me to this extent.

It is commonly said that problems don’t come alone. Things are really getting tougher by the day. The rays of hope which come in seldom fade away too soon. Trying to be optimistic, I still want to believe that there might be light at the end of this tunnel.

There are a lot of lessons I’ve learnt during this time. There is an old adage that you get to know your true friends during bad times. Everyone, of us has heard this and believe me it’s not a very good feeling when this fact comes into play. During tough times, most people will part ways taking your friendship as a liability. Believe me no one, absolutely no one would be there standing beside you when you need them the most. Lesson to learn here is: do not expect “anything” from “anyone” – no matter who they are or how close you have been. This world is completely self-centered - period.

One thing is for sure – life moves on. Though, you can never predict where it will lead you to.

Check 1-2-3

2010-02-09T03:25:00.000+05:30

It has been a long time since I last wrote on this blog. I just read the last post I wrote about Evanescing Relations and realized that some of the stuff I would have written today is already there in that post. Still, I have a lot more things to add, a lot more to write.

Now, it has been more than 18 months since I left home and been living in a new place which now I call my home. This time has changed me drastically. This has been both the best and the worst time of my life. It has been one the hardest time for me, but has taught me some of the best lessons of life. I'm a lot different person now than I was about 2 years ago. But not all changes are good.

The biggest change I’ve observed is that I have become “emotionally numb”. I am no longer affected by successes and failures – the boundaries of happiness and sadness have faded. This might be because of the plethora of failures I’ve seen during this time and the happiness of just a few small successes. Most of the times I’m just not able to get to terms with what’s happening with me. I do sometimes feel like a looser, but my faith in God and the belief that he does has good for me help me move along.

Another change which is somewhat related to my last post, Evanescing Relations, is that I’ve stopped thinking about people. Except for a very few people which mostly compromise of my immediate family, I don’t care about anyone. I just don’t want to make friends and most of my old friends have lost touch. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have acquaintances or I don’t talk to people. I have started acting very shrewdly when I deal with people. Most of them now are just my contacts which I might need in future. The relationships are becoming emotionless and more practical, which I know is not always good but that’s how the world works.

Being lonely and alone doesn’t haunt me anymore. I’ve learnt to live a solitary life – a life without friends, a life without people I could trust, a life without people I could share my feelings with, a life where there seems to be no-one except “I”. But, this is not something I enjoy. This has not been intentional but situational. Here I’m stuck with a group of people with whom I don’t feel comfortable – I’m not talking of the people from this place but about those come from my country. I’m missing the ‘Saadh Sangat’ (the company of good people). Living a life alone with loneliness is not easy but you eventually get used to it. I still urge to find the one soul which would mean a world for me – yes, the void still exists.

My parents have always tried to inculcate Gurbani and Sikh values within me from the very beginning. I have grown up going to the Gurdwara almost everyday, listening to kirtan, doing seva... I do miss all that, but my faith has grown stronger. Its only Gurbani (the name of the Lord) which gives me strength. I have started doing the complete Nitnem everyday. I have been able to keep my regime of taking daily Hukamnama on the Internet, which has helped me during the hardest of the times. There have been days where my faith flickered but there has always been something which helped me get back on track. Now, I have Amrit on my mind and am all set to become Amritdhari (baptized) as soon as I get an opportunity.

There are many more things which are not the same anymore. My overall way of perceiving life has changed. I sometimes do a “Check-1-2-3” (mic testing) on myself to see if I’m the same person…

Evanescing Relations

2009-07-12T03:40:00.000+05:30

With each paradigm shift in your life, there are new people who come and old start to fade away. Your friends start turning into acquaintances and you find new friends in your journey. Life moves on. Yet, there are people who you wished could have stayed with you.

Its strange to see how fast people change. Someone whom you called your good friend, suddenly looses touch with you and you both move in your own direction of life. I have had a few people in my life, who came - became good friends and then started fading away before leaving complete touch of you. These have been some people who had a special place in my life and its not easy to fade them from your lives.

I have had enough of this now. People coming, then going, then new ones coming and then going again. For most of them, I don't care and I no more want the ones for whom I would care. I'll still have some for whom I won't care (just to be social); but I don't think I could handle more of someone who matters and then evanesces off your life.

The one's with whom I'm still trying to stick up have also begun to move. I've started losing almost everyone. People who mattered to me are going away, the distances have started building up. It has happened before and its happening yet again. I know eventually they'll leave. The earlier they do, the easier it would be for me.
(Update: I just realized that I've mentioned something similar in my previous post: "Don't Know What's Happening" - para 3)

Hopefully, I won't have many more of these. Not because I don't expect people to leave; but because I won't have a relationship where I would "care" to part. And I don't mind having those for whom I wouldn't care.

I've also, stopped expecting anything from anyone now. I know it won't be of any use. There had been times I could rely on a few, whom I knew would not let me down; but not anymore.

All that said; there are still a few - who are there and would be there. Till life permits; the relations gifted during birth would be there. I know these are the ones who mean the most. I'll still have the people who are more than friends to me. And then someday, I might have someone special - "a soulmate" (I might just write a complete post on this one).

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ਜਗਤ ਮੈ ਝੂਠੀ ਦੇਖੀ ਪ੍ਰੀਤਿ ॥
Jagaṯ mai jẖūṯẖī ḏekẖī parīṯ.
In this world, I have seen love to be false.

ਅਪਨੇ ਹੀ ਸੁਖ ਸਿਉ ਸਭ ਲਾਗੇ ਕਿਆ ਦਾਰਾ ਕਿਆ ਮੀਤ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
Apne hī sukẖ si▫o sabẖ lāge ki▫ā ḏārā ki▫ā mīṯ. ||1|| rahā▫o.
Whether they are spouses or friends, all are concerned only with their own happiness. ||1||Pause||

SGGS 536

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P.S.: While writing this post, for the first half an hour I wrote and then deleted atleast 3 paragraphs and the heading was changed atleast 5. Was unable to express what I wanted to. This also is not the best depiction of my thoughts, but still presents a relatively good idea about what I was thinking.

O My Mind!

2009-01-31T01:14:00.000+05:30

O My Mind, Why Do you Waver...
Where is that belief...
Where is that faith...

Why do you forget about the good things you have...
And always crib about what more you want...
Why can't you be satiated with these blessings...

Why are you always pessimistic about the circumstances…
Where is the optimism of your faith...
Why do you forget that everything will be given to you...
And at the very moment you need it the most...
Why then do you waver and feel appalled...

Why do you botch up your present, by thinking of the future…
Why can’t you live in the beautiful moment you have been given…
Why do you forget that there’s the One who cares…

You know everything is done by Him…
You know He is the one you can trust the most…
You know there is no one else as great as Him…
Then, why don’t you have faith in His actions…

You know He has given you all the strength…
You know He has never let you down…
You know He has always done good for you…
If that’s the case, then why do you worry…

O My Mind, Why Do you Waver...
Where is that belief...
Where is that faith...

P.S.: Today, after I thought about writing something on this theme, there were a few lines which striked me while I was taking the hukamnama:

suK mY Awin bhuqu imil bYTq rhq chU idis GyrY ]
sukh mai aan bahuth mil bait(h)ath rehath chehoo dhis ghaerai
In good times, many come and sit together, surrounding you on all four sides.

ibpiq prI sB hI sMgu Cwifq koaU n Awvq nyrY ]1]
bipath paree sabh hee sa(n)g shhaaddith kooo n aavath naerai 1
But when hard times come, they all leave, and no one comes near you. 1

Page 634, SGGS

O Nanak, false is the speech of one who acts without loving the Lord. He judges things to be good, only as long as the Lord gives and he receives.

Page 594, SGGS

I am a wicked sinner and a great hypocrite; You are the Immaculate and Formless Lord. Tasting the Ambrosial Nectar, I am imbued with supreme bliss; O Lord and Master, I seek Your Sanctuary.

Page 596, SGGS

Your Glories are so numerous, and I do not know even one of them; I am such a fool — please, give me some of them! Prays Nanak, listen, O my Lord Master: I am sinking like a stone — please, save me!

Page 596, SGGS

Don't Know What's Happening

2009-01-14T10:58:00.000+05:30

Failure - Reject – Unsuccessful these are the words that are slowly becoming apt with my life. I don't know what's happening, why's it happening; just can’t understand the things going out in my life. Its easy to satisfy oneself by saying that whatever happens, happens for a reason – and it will be something good for you; but its difficult to believe in it when there are consistent bad events happening with you. I am feeling being left behind in both professional and personal aspects.

The past 6 months have been a bane for my professional life. After having immense professional successes for quite a long time, its really difficult to cope with multiple failures and obviously so. My coming to US with so much hope and expectations is seemingly becoming one of the worst decisions I took. I don’t say that I absolutely didn’t have had any success in anything. There were some things – I can really recall merely a couple of them, think that’s all that really made me proud and happy. But, there were much more reasons to put me down. Its feeling like I am standing in a big crowd and people are moving ahead and I am lost somewhere behind most people in this race. Its not that I’ve not tried to move ahead, I tried to push myself, push myself really hard but the harder I push the more is the reflex I face. My confidence is breaking and I have started feeling like a big looser lost in a large crowd. I have been ahead of this crowd all my life and being lost in it – rather being left behind it is something which is really difficult to take.

These professional blemishes are not the only despair in my life. I am lost in this country without any friends or anyone. Of course, there are people I know, with whom I “seem to enjoy”, but they are mere acquaintances. I do smile and laugh sometimes, but those smiles and laughs are without joy - they are a mirage of my concealed feelings. I have almost forgotten how it feels to be happy and jubilant. I do have some good friends back home but they seem to be parting with me – or maybe I seem to be parting with them. Rather, there is a feeling of having lost most of them and it seems that others won’t stay for long too. This lack of confidence in personal relationships is also somewhat due to these continuous professional failures. I feel alone in this world with my solitude, trying to run away from everyone – maybe, I just want to be alone breaking away with everyone all at once to avoid pains of parting with them separately. I do feel the need of having someone – a second self – who I would know is always there… (maybe, I’ll write a complete post on it someday, it has been on my agenda since a long time).

There have been times when I felt good about something and seemed that everything would be fine. But, whenever I feel that things are getting better, something good is happening; it is always followed by a gloomy incident which shatters all my hopes. Just can't understand what's happening, but still "hope its happening for good" (can't really feel that way any more...).

Tanhayee

2008-12-21T23:21:00.000+05:30

Doesn't need any words......

Tanhayee Tanhayee
Dil Ke Raaste Mein
Kaisi Thokar Maine Khaayi
Toote Khwaab Saare Ek Mayusi Hai Chhayi
Har Khushi So Gayi Zindagi Kho Gayi
Tumko Jo Pyaar Kiya Maine To Saza Maine Paayi
Tanhayee Tanhayee
Milo Hai Faili Huvi Tanhayee
Tanhayee Tanhayee
Milo Hai Fali Hoye Tanhayee

Khwaab Mein Dekha Tha Ek Aanchal Maine Apne Haatho Mein
Ab Toote Sapno Ke Shishe Chubte Hai In Aankhon Mein
Khwaab Mein Dekha Tha Ek Aanchal Maine Apne Haatho Mein
Ab Toote Sapno Ke Shishe Chubte Hai In Aankhon Mein
Kal Koyi Tha Yahin Ab Koyi Bhi Nahin
Ban Ke Naagin Jaise Hai Saason Mein Lehrayi
Tanhayee Tanhayee
Palko Pe Kitne Aansoon Hai Laayi
Tanhayee Tanhayee
Palko Pe Kitne Aansoon Hai Laayi

Kyon Aisi Umeed Ki Maine Jo Aisi Naakaam Huvi
Door Banayi Thi Manzil To Raste Mein Hi Shaam Huvi
Kyon Aisi Umeed Ki Maine Jo Aisi Naakaam Huvi
Door Banayi Thi Manzil To Raste Mein Hi Shaam Huvi
Ab Kahan Jaao Main
Kisi Ko Samjaon Main
Kya Maine Chaha Tha Aur
Kyon Kismat Main Aayi
Tanhayee Tanhayee
Jaise Andhero Ki Ho Gehrayi
Dil Ke Raaste Mein
Kaisi Thokar Maine Khaayi
Toote Khwaab Saare Ek Mayusi Hai Chhayi
Har Khushi So Gayi Zindagi Kho Gayi
Tumko Jo Pyaar Kiya Maine To Saza Maine Paayi
Tanhayee Tanhayee
Milo Hai Faili Huvi Tanhayee
Tanhayee Tanhayee
Milo Hai Fali Hoye Tanhayee
Tanhayee Tanhayee
Tanhayee Tanhayee

P.S.: Sentences in lyrics emphasized deliberately

Coming to a Foreign Land - The first month

2008-08-28T07:06:00.000+05:30

Why did I come here? That's the question I'm trying to answer since I have arrived in US (almost going to be a month now). Ofcourse, there's an official purpose - education and a good career afterwards. But before coming here I had numerous other reasons for being here. Maybe after coming here, I've forgot most of those. One of them being to make myself stronger internally - spiritually, intellectually and emotionally. Also, somewhere inside me I wished experience a life without the leisurely comforts I have been used too; obviously it was very stupid to think so.

My first few days were really bad. It was a complete change of life for me. I had to do the daily chores which I hadn't done ever before. Adjusting to this was difficult and it took time to get used to it. Also, one of the most distressing thing was that I could not do my daily Paath and Hukamnama routine. I did start doing Paath after 2-3 days, but still there was something missing. I didn't had a laptop, so taking a hukamnama was almost impossible. I got my laptop after 5-6 days; but it took me around 12-15 days before I could get back to my routine. But... (I don't know what to say...) Still, I feel deprived of something; maybe my Gurdwara routine.

Another reason for my distress is my roommates. I guess, I have chosen wrong roommates to live with. They are not like me; and I can't definitely become like them. They drink and one of them was a surd who has cut his hair. I have friends who drink and had thought I would be able to live with people who do so. But the only thing they have to talk about is drinks, sex and none of their sentence is complete without a abusive word. I had wished companionship of 'Sat Sangat' (good people) and I had to live with people like these. I never even maintained acquaintance with people like these and now I'm in a situation where I have to live with them. There's nothing I can really do about it and was afraid that I don't take any of their bad habits.

But then, as always, there was the power of Gurbani to help me out. A katha by Prof. Darshan Singh Ji of the shabad 'Jo-Jo Dise So-So Rogi' came across my mind. I had listened to it several times, while driving. In this Prof. sahib metaphorically describes a Sikh's life as that of a sandalwood tree. He says that the poisonous snakes can never harm the fragrance of sandalwood, instead the sandalwood still spreads its aroma inspite of being surrounded by those snakes. Similarly, a Sikhs life can't be harmed by bad people, rather they spread their own fragrance. This one example gave me strength. I try to fill my inner mind with the chants of Waheguru whenever I hear a abusive word from them. Ofcourse, its not always possible; but still I try. Maybe that may help me keep-off acquiring some bad habits. Its not that I myself don't have any bad habits, I agree that I do have many - infact a plethora of them but am always (maybe, sometimes or maybe, a very few times) trying to improve.

One of the most disturbing thing while living here is the feeling of loneliness. Back home, I had a great support system of my family and friends. Out here, there's no-one with whom I can talk. Sometimes I feel that where have I come. There's nothing out here, just a laptop with which you have to hang out in your room. I do talk with my family almost daily, but can't share everything with them; else they may take tension. I do call up a few friends sometimes but the time-difference and their schedules usually restrict me of the opportunities I can get to talk with them. This feeling of solitude sometimes takes such a large toll that it haunts incessantly. I sometimes feel that, I should leave everything out here and go back "home". And yes, there's a certain positive thing about all this - I have suddenly become more obedient of the advice/suggestions of my family members, which earlier I sometimes wouldn't agree upon.

What I am overall experiencing out here is a miserable state of mind. "Miserable" also looks like a euphemism to describe it; it almost feels like I've come from heaven to hell. Here is a couplet which comes to my mind:
Jadon Na Kuch, Vikhe Agge
Taayion Banda, Vekhe Pichhe
(When the future looks unclear; only then a person looks back and relishes his past)

P.S.: I was in a deplorable state of mind when I started writing this post. (So, I really don't know what all have I written in it and where it came from. The post maybe incoherent and ungrammatical.) But, after spitting out everything I am feeling a lot better.

I cry alone...

2008-04-10T16:58:00.000+05:30

I cry alone, I cry alone
In the wilderness of broken hopes
I know its stupid to cry
But its better than being sly

I don't want to live
I don't want to die
It feels like my life has dried
Loneliness prevailing as my friend

Darkness makes me happy
I’m frightened by the light
Its weird how the circumstances arrange
And the conventional feelings change

Now these pugnacious feelings arouse
I kick on the bed, I punch on my face
Trying to suppress my emotions
By having this physical pain

I lie apart and close my eyes
I try to move astray, imaginations going wild
Then, a tear flows down the narrow lane
Reminding me about that awful pain

I pray to the Almighty to help me out
It gives me hope and sanguinity sprouts
The eyes are numb, the lips are dry
Life gives challenges, but I have to try

--------- P.S. ---------

These words have been spurted out of a disproportionate me
After a long haul of events that happened with me
This attempt to write a poem is the first I've tried
And by the grace of God, its something I liked

The Past Few Years

2008-03-10T23:28:00.000+05:30

So, I am finally writing another post after a long haul of hibernation. A couple of months back when I wrote a post which included the title of the forthcoming posts, I had thought that I would write all those posts in a matter of a few weeks. But this lazy creature has a habit of procrastinating his tasks. So, if anyone had read the last post and had been waiting for the other posts, I'm sorry for the delay (though, I know no one is reading this blog). I am just wrote the above crap because I felt like writing it. Don't kill me if it irritated you, try to bear with me with the rest of this post. The actual post starts from the next para.

hmm... the past few years... The past few years have been really exciting in my journey of life. There has been a lot of things I did in these years. Had been through great times and some sad moments too. Have a lot to share but there are constraints on how much I could write. Quantifying the word 'few' here - I'm talking about the past 3.5 to 4 years since I started my bachelors degree.

Starting from the professional front. Professionally, I felt like being blessed throughout. I was always there at the right place, at the right time. There have been situations when I thought that I have not achieved what I desired; but eventually everytime I realized what I got was better than what I was aiming for. So, its better to leave situations on God to handle; he would always give you the best.

I have been very active in the co-curricular activities. I got some excellent opportunities to enhance my skills - many positions involving leadership, positions which made my nourish my team skills, interpersonal skills and took my confidence level to new heights.

There was an opportunity which as too good to be true. I was offered to lead a large portal to be launched and promoted by India's biggest media house. But there were reasons that made me decline this offer. First, it was something that was not aligned to my goals. Second, it was kind-of promoting a concept which takes people away from God and make them superstitious.

Something which I really cherish is that I started earning. From the past 1.5 years, I earned a good amount of money by working part-time. I developed an innovative marketing strategy and got some great ROIs. In this case the only investment I had put in was time and my skills. Earning money while studying has been a great experience. I have been able to manage most of my expenses myself. I paid my final year fees, I managed my expenses for applying for masters, a few daily expenses and have also managed to invest a few bucks.

Now coming to the spiritual experiences during this time. I had some great enlightening experiences during this time. I continued my routine of doing 'Japuji Sahib' daily. Added Chaupai Sahib and 5 pauris of Anand Sahib. Occasionally, I did 'Jaap Sahib', 'Rehraas Sahib' and other baanis.
Also, I started reading the english translation of Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji. It took me quite a lot of time (about a year and a half; maybe more) to complete it. I made my routine to take a 'hukamnama' from the English translation and then read atleast 1-2 pages daily. I also started taking the punjabi hukamnama from Golden Temple with its english translation. Getting the message from SGGS really effected me in a great way. I came to understand more about life and righteous living.

There have been some very subtle changes too in my life(style) during the these past years. One, I am no more a brand freak. There had been times in the past when there was not a single non-branded item in my wardrobe. I donned some of the most expensive and sought after brands. Now, I don't care much about the brands thanks to the people around me. Though, I still have a preference for some of these brands.
Two, I started eating food shared with others (jhoota; don't think there's an english word for it). This is something I still hate to do, but somehow in my current environment its like normal. But still, everytime I do it, its on my mind. Its something I would like to leave again and may be I'll do.
Three, now I sometimes drive very rashly. Earlier, I always used to drive in a very composed manner. But, now sometimes due to lack of time and sometimes for shear fun, I drive very rash. I have tried to control this and have been a bit successful.

There have been many other things which I can't think of now. I really don't know why I wrote all this stuff here. Maybe, the reason is similar to why people write diaries.Perhaps, someday I would come back here to cherish my old memories. Possibly, I may just try to analyze myself and improve. Whatever may be I think, I have somewhat opened up myself as a book. Lets see what comes off my other posts!

A Resurrection of this Blog

2008-01-04T00:02:00.000+05:30

It has been a very long time since I last posted on this blog. I had somewhat lost interest in posting on this blog, maybe due to the reason that no one was reading it. Somehow, now I have an urge to restart writing on this blog and don't care if someone reads or not. I would be writing for myself to understand the convolutions of this life. Its difficult to understand Its sometimes very baffling to comprehend the nature of events surrounding our lives. I covet to grok my own self and the world around me through this blog.

During this long interval, since I last wrote on this blog, there have been numerous occasions when I wanted to repost on this blog. There are still some posts on the draft section of this blog, which I never completed. I would write in abridge about a few things I wished to post in the past.

A long time back, I was traveling on a bus and was comfortably seated. At midway, an old man boarded the bus, but he couldn't find a seat for himself. Seeing this, a thought ran in my mind and it reminded me of a verse of Gurbaani, which I had read from the English Translation of Sri Guru Granth Sahib, the previous evening. I don't exactly remember the verse, but the essence was that we should always help the poor and needy and work towards humanity. That moment, I courteously got up and offered the old man my seat. This incidence was the first time I conscientiously followed the teaching of the Guru. It felt great and seemed like the Guru himself came and told me what to do at that moment.

I had started writing a post titled 'Hypocrite Mortals'. Everyone around us do have certain hypocrisies and its really difficult to know everything about a person. The hypocrite traits I'm talking about are not necessarily bad ones. People do have good things hidden in themselves which they do not wish to exhibit in this seemingly bad world. Their expressions are precluded by the thoughts of having an unfavorable reaction from the people around them. This is one of the hard realities of this world where people get compelled to hide their goodness from the fear of being treated as insane.

This blog could have also seen a post titled, 'Walking as a Sikh'. Donning a Sikh identity do makes us look different from the people around us, but it also makes us identifiable as a part of the Sikh community. This shoulders an additional responsibility on us as our actions reflect the image of the entire community. Its similar to being a part of any group/organization and how people identify you on the basis of knowing others in the same group. Each Sikh should keep in mind the large group of people he is representing while performing any activity.

There were many more such things, which I wished to post, but was too buzy (or maybe, too lazy) to post them. I do have some posts in my mind which would follow this post in the next few weeks. Most of these posts would be a kinda analysis of a few past events. I am mentioning the titles of these posts to keep myself on track of being regular with this blog:

The Past Few Years
Hum Nahi Chan-ge, Bura Nahi Koe
An Ideal Match
Laws of Attraction: Part I
Laws of Attraction: Part II

Sikh - A Saint Soldier

2006-11-19T23:23:00.000+05:30

Sikh Gurus introduced Sikhs as a Saint Soldier. This in turn teaches us the purpose of life. Sikhs should lead their life playing the roles of both the Saints and Soldiers. Here, soldier doesn't really mean that you have to fight in wars, battles or fight with other humans. The Sikh soldiers were, basically, assigned the task to protect humanity and fought for the exploited humans.

The concept of Soldier in a broader prospective could be thought of as a person who fights this battle of life which has been bestowed upon him by the Almighty. It means that a person should be successful in his worldly affairs. He should be a leader wherever he goes. For that, we got a unique identity, which we maintain by keeping our Kesh (hair) and wearing a turban. Sikhs should stand out in the crowd and be a winner in this battle of life.

A Sikh should also be a Saint. He should remember God with every brath of his life. He should always lead a life which should be full of honesty and integrity. He should never harm any other human. A person doesn't becomes a Saint by self-declaration but is considered one by good moral practices, which are expected by every human being.

Thus, a true Gursikh is the one who is 'A Saint Soldier'. He should have both saintly qualities and should be able to defend himself in this battle of life. Now, how can you defend yourself in this battle of life? Surely, by doing good deeds and remembering the name of the Creator Lord, who Himself blesses us the gift of His Name.

The concept of Saint-Soldier was first started by Guru Hargobind Sahib Ji who wore two swords of Miri - n - Piri. Miri is the worldly sword (sword worn by a king, commander etc) and Piri signifies spirituality. The existence of both swords together signifies the importance of the dual roles of a human being in this invaluable gift of life.

Another example which signifies the concept of a Saint-Soldier is the coexistence of both Sri Akal-Takhat Sahib and Sri Harmandir Sahib (Golden Temple) together in the same complex. Harmandir Sahib is the centre of Sikh spirituality, while Akal Takhat Sahib is the temporal throne of the Sikhs. A point worth noting, here, is that when you look at Sri Harmandir Sahib from Sri Akal Takhat Sahib, you can clearly view Harmandir Sahib. While, if you try to view the Akal Takhat from Golden Temple, you won't be able to view it. This signifies that the search for spiritual grace should always lead. When you are trying to remember God you should forget all worldly aspects, but when you are fulfilling your temporal needs always keep the True Lord's Name in your mind. Never ever forget the Name of the One Lord from your mind.

Further, Guru Gobind Singh Ji gave us the title of a Singh. Singh, which literary means a Lion, signifies the the lion as the King of the jungle. It emphasizes that a Singh is born as a King and should be a leader in whatever he does. A Singh should be a role-model for this human race and should always protect the dignity of his fellow humans.

A Sikh should consider God as the supreme commander of this world and always accept His will as the Supreme. Lets pray to Lord that he always helps us to be on the right path and blesses us to always remember His Name.

P.S.: Most thoughts depicted in this article are my own interpretation of the message given by the Gurus. As it is said, to err is human, my interpretation may be a bit incorrect. Your suggestions and criticisms are most welcome.
Please do correct me if I'm wrong. I would appreciate if someone could validate (invalidate too, if they are wrong) these thoughts by referring to Gurbani.

Meditate on the Lord

2006-11-05T18:08:00.000+05:30

GAUREE, FIFTH MEHL:

Those who have You on their side, O All-powerful Lord — no black stain can stick to them. || 1 ||

O Lord of wealth, those who place their hopes in You — nothing of the world can touch them at all. || 1 || Pause ||

Those whose hearts are filled with their Lord and Master — no anxiety can affect them. || 2 ||

Those, unto whom You give Your consolation, God — pain does not even approach them. || 3 ||

Says Nanak, I have found that Guru, who has shown me the Perfect, Supreme Lord God. || 4 || 41 || 110 ||

SGGS - pg 188

So, meditate on the Lord 24x7 and you will find your self away from all troubles and anxiety.

Power of Meditating on the Lord's Name

2006-11-04T19:20:00.000+05:30

bYrwVI mhlw 4 ] (720-6)
bairaarhee mehlaa 4.
Bairaaree, Fourth Mehl:

jip mn hir inrMjnu inrMkwrw ] (720-7, bYrwVI, mÚ 4)
jap man har niranjan nirankaaraa.
Meditate, O mind, on the immaculate, formless Lord.

sdw sdw hir iDAweIAY suKdwqw jw kw AMqu n pwrwvwrw ]1] rhwau ] (720-7, bYrwVI, mÚ 4)
sadaa sadaa har Dhi-aa-ee-ai sukh-daata jaa kaa ant na paaraavaaraa. ||1|| rahaa-o.
Forever and ever, meditate on the Lord, the Giver of peace; He has no end or limitation. ||1||Pause||

Agin kuMt mih aurD ilv lwgw hir rwKY audr mMJwrw ] (720-8, bYrwVI, mÚ 4)
agan kunt meh uraDh liv laagaa har raakhai udar manjhaaraa.
In the fiery pit of the womb, when you were hanging upside-down, the Lord absorbed You in His Love, and preserved You.

so AYsw hir syvhu myry mn hir AMiq Cfwvxhwrw ]1] (720-8, bYrwVI, mÚ 4)
so aisaa har sayvhu mayray man har ant chhadaavanhaaraa. ||1||
So serve such a Lord, O my mind; the Lord shall deliver you in the end. ||1||

jw kY ihrdY bisAw myrw hir hir iqsu jn kau krhu nmskwrw ] (720-9, bYrwVI, mÚ 4)
jaa kai hirdai basi-aa mayraa har har tis jan ka-o karahu namaskaaraa.
Bow down in reverence to that humble being, within whose heart the Lord, Har, Har, abides.

hir ikrpw qy pweIAY hir jpu nwnk nwmu ADwrw ]2]5] (720-10, bYrwVI, mÚ 4)
har kirpaa tay paa-ee-ai har jap naanak naam aDhaaraa. ||2||5||
By the Lord's Kind Mercy, O Nanak, one obtains the Lord's meditation, and the support of the Naam. ||2||5||

bYrwVI mhlw 4 ] (720-10)
bairaarhee mehlaa 4.
Bairaaree, Fourth Mehl:

jip mn hir hir nwmu inq iDAwie ] (720-11, bYrwVI, mÚ 4)
jap man har har naam nit Dhi-aa-ay.
O my mind, chant the Name of the Lord, Har, Har; meditate on it continually.

jo ieCih soeI Plu pwvih iPir dUKu n lwgY Awie ]1] rhwau ] (720-11, bYrwVI, mÚ 4)
jo ichheh so-ee fal paavahi fir dookh na laagai aa-ay. ||1|| rahaa-o.
You shall obtain the fruits of your heart's desires, and pain shall never touch you again. ||1||Pause||

so jpu so qpu sw bRq pUjw ijqu hir isau pRIiq lgwie ] (720-12, bYrwVI, mÚ 4)
so jap so tap saa barat poojaa jit har si-o pareet lagaa-ay.
That is chanting, that is deep meditation and austerity, that is fasting and worship, which inspires love for the Lord.

ibnu hir pRIiq hor pRIiq sB JUTI iek iKn mih ibsir sB jwie ]1] (720-12, bYrwVI, mÚ 4)
bin har pareet hor pareet sabh jhoothee ik khin meh bisar sabh jaa-ay. ||1||
Without the Lord's Love, every other love is false; in an instant, it is all forgotten. ||1||

qU byAMqu srb kl pUrw ikCu kImiq khI n jwie ] (720-13, bYrwVI, mÚ 4)
too bay-ant sarab kal pooraa kichh keemat kahee na jaa-ay.
You are infinite, the Master of all power; Your value cannot be described at all.

nwnk srix qum@wrI hir jIau BwvY iqvY Cfwie ]2]6] (720-14, bYrwVI, mÚ 4)
naanak saran tum^Haaree har jee-o bhaavai tivai chhadaa-ay. ||2||6||
Nanak has come to Your Sanctuary, O Dear Lord; as it pleases You, save him. ||2||6||

rwgu bYrwVI mhlw 5 Gru 1 (720-15)
raag bairaarhee mehlaa 5 ghar 1
Raag Bairaaree, Fifth Mehl, First House:

<> siqgur pRswid ] (720-15)
ik-o^Nkaar satgur parsaad.
One Universal Creator God. By The Grace Of The True Guru:

sMq jnw imil hir jsu gwieE ] (720-16, bYrwVI, mÚ 5)
sant janaa mil har jas gaa-i-o.
Meeting with the humble Saints, sing the Praises of the Lord.

koit jnm ky dUK gvwieE ]1] rhwau ] (720-16, bYrwVI, mÚ 5)
kot janam kay dookh gavaa-i-o. ||1|| rahaa-o.
The pains of millions of incarnations shall be eradicated. ||1||Pause||

jo cwhq soeI min pwieE ] (720-16, bYrwVI, mÚ 5)
jo chaahat so-ee man paa-i-o.
Whatever your mind desires, that you shall obtain.

kir ikrpw hir nwmu idvwieE ]1] (720-17, bYrwVI, mÚ 5)
kar kirpaa har naam divaa-i-o. ||1||
By His Kind Mercy, the Lord blesses us with His Name. ||1||

srb sUK hir nwim vfweI ] (720-17, bYrwVI, mÚ 5)
sarab sookh har naam vadaa-ee.
All happiness and greatness are in the Lord's Name.

gur pRswid nwnk miq pweI ]2]1]7] (720-17, bYrwVI, mÚ 5)
gur parsaad naanak mat paa-ee. ||2||1||7||
By Guru's Grace, Nanak has gained this understanding. ||2||1||7||

What am I doing...

2006-10-26T22:48:00.000+05:30

My current state:

BHAIRAO, THIRD MEHL: Lost in egotism, Maya and attachment, the mortal earns pain, and eats pain. The great disease, the rabid disease of greed, is deep within him; he wanders around indiscriminately. || 1 || The life of the self-willed manmukh in this world is cursed. He does not remember the Lord’s Name, even in his dreams. He is never in love with the Lord’s Name. || 1 || Pause || He acts like a beast, and does not understand anything. Practicing falsehood, he becomes false. But when the mortal meets the True Guru, his way of looking at the world changes. How rare are those humble beings who seek and find the Lord. || 2 ||

What I want (or rather I should want) to achieve:

That person, whose heart is forever filled with the Name of the Lord, Har, Har, obtains the Lord, the Treasure of Virtue. By Guru’s Grace, he finds the Perfect Lord; the egotistical pride of his mind is eradicated. || 3 || The Creator Himself acts, and causes all to act. He Himself places us on the path. He Himself blesses the Gurmukh with glorious greatness; O Nanak, he merges in the Naam. || 4 || 9 || 19 ||

- page 1132-33 SGGS

I am really in a bad state of affairs. Forgetting the Lord's name from my heart. My mind has been captured with unnecessary worldly virtues. Trying to achieve the Lord's name. I want to (or again, rather should want to) remember Him all the time.

But what am I doing? Obsessed with the 5 desires in my mind, I've forgotten the Lord's name. May Waheguru bless us all that we always keep His name in our minds 24x7.

Misunderstanding in Relationships

2006-07-21T15:15:00.000+05:30

I was on a verge of loosing a good friend of mine due to some unknown misunderstandings between us. I would refer this friend as D, as I don't want to reveal her identity in public.

D & I became good friends since we joined college. We used to spent a lot of time together. But from the past few months, something just went wrong between the two of us. I just could not understand what happened, but both of us just stopped talking all of a sudden. Reaon, I don't know and I believe that even she didn't knew. Both of us behaved like strangers even if we would come across each other, which happened quite often.

It all started a few months back. Due to some reasons, we saw less of each other. There were days when we didn't got a chance to talk once a day, inspite of being in the same class. It felt like both of us were ignoring each other, while thinking back the reality seems that both of us were under the influence of the same misunderstanding. I'm still not sure that this would have been the reason or not.

But, something unexpected happened today. Due to some reason I went to college today (our summer breaks are going on) and to my surprise, the first person I met while entering the college was D. She was coming out of the college, while I was entering. Suddenly, everything became normal like before. Both of us spent time together, though just 10 minutes, it seemed that our friendship is as good as it had ever been. We talked like we usually did before. It appeared like nothing happened between us in the last few months. Everything was just normal as it should be. I am really happy to get back a friend, whom I had almost lost.

You would have seen how I was just on the verge of losing a good friend due to some misunderstanding that prevailed between both of us. Please don't let your relationships die due to misunderstandings. I have learnt a lesson but it was a hard way out. So, do talk clearly to the person you love and care about.

P.S.: Those who would be getting all sorts of thoughts about D and me, I would like to clarify that D is just a good friend of mine and a really sweet one.

Sikhs: The Most Dynamic Community

2006-07-06T23:59:00.000+05:30

There are many moments in your life when you feel proud to be a Sikh. Today, there was an event in my life which made me "extra" proud to be a Sikh. At my evening class, my instructor started a conversation on topics related to Kashmir (as there is a Kashmiri guy in my class). The conversation took a turn and came to religion.

Discussions ranged from terrorists misleading the concepts of Islam (my instructor is a Muslim), the Hindus believing in many Gods and horoscopes etc to the Christians not going to Church daily and still being the most successful. The discussion went on with very positive views on many topics. The Kashmiri guy was talking of 'Kundli'(horoscope made at the time of birth) and pointed that Sikhs also believe in Kundli. I just started explaining that he was wrong and my instructor interfered.

He started, among all communities that exist in this world, Sikhism is the most dynamic community in this world. The first example he cited was that, he had seen billionairs doing the cleaning service of the Gurdwara. This thing might not sound too exceptional for us, but for a Muslim it was like something very amazing. He added that he had not seen this in any other community. He expressed his regards for Sikhs as being the most trusted community. Then, I explained the concept of Sardar, a leader. I told him that Guru Gobind Singh Ji transformed us to lead. GuruJi's message was to help people at time of need.

After this short example, he has a whole lot of tales to explain how Sikhs were unique. He quoted an incident about his stay in Dubai, where his car broke down in the middle of the road. He asked for lifts but nobody stopped. He had started walking towards his destination and suddenly a Sikh trailor driver stopped his trailor in front of him and reached him for help.

He also told that a Sikh would never be a beggar. He said that, "a Sikh would die but would never beg for money. No doubts, Sikhs are the most hard working community. You would find them at top in almost every industry and every country."

Next, he added that there is Free Langar in the Gurdwaras at all times. He said that he was amazed to see the courtesy of the Sikhs. He quoted that if you go to Punjab and ask a route from a person sitting outside his house, he would definitely tell you the route and if possible take you to that place, but first, would ask you to have tea at his house. He emphasized that he is talking only about the 'Sikhs' in Punjab.

I was astonished to hear his views about the Sikh religion. A sense of being proud about my faith captured my mind for a few moments. But, then I thought, how much are we trying to follow the teachings of our beloved Gurus. Can we depict that we are the true disciples of our Guru?

Here's a message for all those who are bewildering from the path of Sikhism, read what others feel about Sikhs. Always, follow the teachings of the Gurus and be Proud to be a Sikh.

Introduction

2006-07-02T13:39:00.000+05:30

I am yet another guy in this Universe. By faith, I am a Sikh and proud to be one. I am a very deep thinker. I wanted a medium to organize my thoughts. So, I thought of blogging them down.

My thoughts mainly focus on spirituality, Sikhism, relationships and some daily happenings. I want to know what other people think of these thoughts. Sometimes there are many questions in my mind which remain unanswered. I think people reading this blog could answer my queries.

I also read the English translation of Sri Guru Granth Sahib and the daily hukamnama from Sri Darbar Sahib, Amritsar. Reading Gurbani helps me better understand the purpose of life. It also helps me to realize the importance of the 'Name of the Lord'. I truly believe:

'Bani Guru Guru Hai Bani'

The word of the Lord is our teacher