Lost Part II

Here's a version 2 of the post I wrote just a few days ago. Seems like something is crazily getting over my head and I just can't part with it. I wish to run, run away from everything, run away where there is nothing, seeking a place with wilderness, a place where the me and the I can be lost - lost forever.

I don't know if the place exists and don't know the path, but at this very moment, I just feel like getting into the car and driving off - driving off to the emptiness - driving off to a place where there are no stop signs to pause - a place where the end takes you away from yourself...

Maybe I'm missing the beach, the place where I hear no one and no one hears me. The place where sobs could be cured by the tranquilizing waters. A place which I've sometimes considered my friend, where I don't feel being lonely even when I'm alone.

I feel like going out with myself, going out to the woods - away from this world - the crafty and the cunning world. I wish to be lost, lost in the space - away from the carnal self.

It seems like I'm sobbing, sobbing endlessly from within. I'm trying hard, but I just can't figure out the reason for it. I think I'm in the pursuit of something, but the object for this quest is unknown. It appears like a search for a lost object or maybe the object that was never there.

This loss is in the head - this loss is of the self - this loss is of the gratitude - this loss is of the emotions - this loss is of the warmth - this loss if of all the good things there are. What is left after this is just me and myself - the carnal self - lost in the wilderness, with no where to go and nothing to do.

Lost

I am lost. Yes, that’s right – LOST…. I’ve forgotten who I am, what I am and where I am. There is no loss in this world which can be greater than loosing your own self. I've lost the purpose, I've lost what was there within me and I've lost myself. I feel like I'm a wanderer, roaming aimlessly without a purpose.

There are a multitude of feelings which are hard to express in words. Feels like the passage of life is hitting me.... hitting me hard. I am living in a world full of randomness, where certainty is undefined and I am a directionless lone atom wandering aimlessly in this large molecule.

The spirit and its spirituality is lost. Frigidness is looming all over. This invincible battle seems purposeless, the rationality is completely irrational and the excogitation causes confusion.

Lost are the people who meant something, lost is the affection and the care. The thoughts and the feelings which were once shared are now lost in this huge wilderness.

The soul is trying to seek a lost place. The search is covert, the path is unknown and the meandering seems eternal... But it still has hope. It's perseverance is the faith moving it all along...