Here's a version 2 of the post I wrote just a few days ago. Seems like something is crazily getting over my head and I just can't part with it. I wish to run, run away from everything, run away where there is nothing, seeking a place with wilderness, a place where the me and the I can be lost - lost forever.
I don't know if the place exists and don't know the path, but at this very moment, I just feel like getting into the car and driving off - driving off to the emptiness - driving off to a place where there are no stop signs to pause - a place where the end takes you away from yourself...
Maybe I'm missing the beach, the place where I hear no one and no one hears me. The place where sobs could be cured by the tranquilizing waters. A place which I've sometimes considered my friend, where I don't feel being lonely even when I'm alone.
I feel like going out with myself, going out to the woods - away from this world - the crafty and the cunning world. I wish to be lost, lost in the space - away from the carnal self.
It seems like I'm sobbing, sobbing endlessly from within. I'm trying hard, but I just can't figure out the reason for it. I think I'm in the pursuit of something, but the object for this quest is unknown. It appears like a search for a lost object or maybe the object that was never there.
This loss is in the head - this loss is of the self - this loss is of the gratitude - this loss is of the emotions - this loss is of the warmth - this loss if of all the good things there are. What is left after this is just me and myself - the carnal self - lost in the wilderness, with no where to go and nothing to do.