What am I doing...

My current state:

BHAIRAO, THIRD MEHL: Lost in egotism, Maya and attachment, the mortal earns pain, and eats pain. The great disease, the rabid disease of greed, is deep within him; he wanders around indiscriminately. || 1 || The life of the self-willed manmukh in this world is cursed. He does not remember the Lord’s Name, even in his dreams. He is never in love with the Lord’s Name. || 1 || Pause || He acts like a beast, and does not understand anything. Practicing falsehood, he becomes false. But when the mortal meets the True Guru, his way of looking at the world changes. How rare are those humble beings who seek and find the Lord. || 2 ||

What I want (or rather I should want) to achieve:

That person, whose heart is forever filled with the Name of the Lord, Har, Har, obtains the Lord, the Treasure of Virtue. By Guru’s Grace, he finds the Perfect Lord; the egotistical pride of his mind is eradicated. || 3 || The Creator Himself acts, and causes all to act. He Himself places us on the path. He Himself blesses the Gurmukh with glorious greatness; O Nanak, he merges in the Naam. || 4 || 9 || 19 ||

- page 1132-33 SGGS

I am really in a bad state of affairs. Forgetting the Lord's name from my heart. My mind has been captured with unnecessary worldly virtues. Trying to achieve the Lord's name. I want to (or again, rather should want to) remember Him all the time.

But what am I doing? Obsessed with the 5 desires in my mind, I've forgotten the Lord's name. May Waheguru bless us all that we always keep His name in our minds 24x7.